Random joke thread

[theadore]

Is there a reason the bbcs top 10 contains only 9 jokes?

[Rover the Top]

They needed something funny in the article?

[Gibbon]

Maybe there were only nine jokes this year.

[rob_of_the_robots]

One of the ones in the comments section was better.

I had a friend who was feeling a bit down and depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. Now he's chuffed to bits.

[Gibbon]

I'd say 8 of the 9 were pretty crap - some of them exceedingly so, but this one is brilliant.

"I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set"

[Rovertheseas]

I liked

"Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief" - Mark Watson.

[Rover the Top]

Maybe there were only nine jokes this year.

Why didn't they make the list instead, then?

[Savory]

My parents always used to sit and listen to Cliff Richard when I was younger.

Instead of actually coming in my room and stopping him.

[mrblackbat]

A - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HA

[Dan]

My wife comes out of the shower and stands in front of the mirror,complaining:
"Look at these boobs, they're far to small, I really want a boob job, they just look so tiny and pointless"

"I'm not sure we can afford that" I said, "That's expensive these days, and the NHS won't cover it."
"I've got a better idea though, if you want them to grow, take a piece of toilet roll and rub it between them, up and down your chest, for a few seconds about four times a day. In a few months you'll notice they're definitely getting bigger."

"Really?" she said, grabbing the toilet roll, "Does that actually work?"

"Well it worked for your arse, didn't it!?"

[theadore]

I liked

"Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief" - Mark Watson.

Its not a patch on Harry Hill's...

"My father used to say 'Fight fire with fire', and then he was kicked out of the fire brigade"

[mrblackbat]

My wife comes out of the shower and stands in front of the mirror,complaining:
"Look at these boobs, they're far to small, I really want a boob job, they just look so tiny and pointless"

"I'm not sure we can afford that" I said, "That's expensive these days, and the NHS won't cover it."
"I've got a better idea though, if you want them to grow, take a piece of toilet roll and rub it between them, up and down your chest, for a few seconds about four times a day. In a few months you'll notice they're definitely getting bigger."

"Really?" she said, grabbing the toilet roll, "Does that actually work?"

"Well it worked for your arse, didn't it!?"

[Rover the Top]

He's implying his anecdotal missus has a large bottom...

[mrblackbat]

Really?!?!?!?

[Rover the Top]

Yes.