Random joke thread

[Darth Rover]

A kid was talking to his dad the other day and he said 'dad i want to be an astronaut when i grow up'. 'Well son' he replied 'You'd have been shot into space already if i'd not been pissed'.

[Savory]

Apparently Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door - his missus was dead against it...

[mcteeth]

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/soci ... 3030661978

[Rover the Top]

Isn't that 3 years too late? Labour actually did introduce ID cards for "Northerners" (specifically those in Manchester) in late 2009...

[Rover Ryan]

Congratulation to Cardiff's promotion, becoming the third Welsh Premier League team besides Swansea and Spurs!!

[Rover Ryan]

I wonder if Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was trying to paddle his way out of that back yard!?

[Gibbon]

Maybe he realised he was up shit creek.

[Rover the Top]

[iamarover]

[Rover the Top]

Saw this on a t-shirt t'other day:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't.

[Dan]

Seen that a few times, and had to explain it to a few people too.

[Hudson]

Saw this in the comment section on the LET regarding the Marshall Transfer:

I note that Fairy Liquid's latest advert is set in a Burnley Council Estate .

"Mummy , why are your hands so soft ?"

"Because I'm only fourteen , now shut up and eat your Pot Noodle "

[Rover Ryan]

[Rover the Top]

I hate Christmas! I spend all year working my arse off just so I can afford to buy presents for the kids, yet come Christmas morning it's that fat fucker with the beard who gets all the credit...

...still, I suppose it serves me right for marrying her...

[Rover the Top]

Allegedly, the 'funniest' jokes from this year's Edinburgh Fringe.

I can only assume quality was in short supply this time.