Charlie Brooker

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theadore
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Charlie Brooker

Post by theadore » Mon Sep 03, 2007 1:07 pm

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree ... 25,00.html
Spiders are so resolutely horrible, they don't even have to exist to be scary. A few weeks into a bumper spider season, I find I'm often as frightened of spiders that aren't there as ones that are: terrified to pick up a shoe in case there's a spider in it, for example.

This is because spiders have precisely the same modus operandi as terrorists: they target innocent civilians at random, strike unexpectedly, and cause widespread disproportionate fear. Oh, and they often die as a result of their actions, or at least they do if I've got a rolled-up newspaper to hand. Spiders don't videotape their own suicide notes before embarking on their death campaigns, but that's only because they're too thick to operate the controls.

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Jim
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Post by Jim » Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:33 pm

Absolutely brilliant!

The bits at the end have me howling with laughter!!! :-D

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theadore
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Re: Charlie Brooker

Post by theadore » Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:42 am

The ceremony wasn't as spectacular as it seemed. An impressive swooping aerial shot of fireworks bursting in footprint-shaped constellations turned out to be a computer-generated lie. And the cute little girl singing the Chinese anthem was only miming to the voice of another girl, whom the authorities considered too hideous to warrant airtime.

Actually, they were right. The original girl was an absolute pig, with teeth so higgledy-piggledy you could be mistaken for thinking her skull was trying to chew its way out of her face. You could possibly use her head as the basis for the lead puppet in a children's programme set in Ugly Wood, provided you didn't mind your kids vomiting in fear and disgust each time she wobbled on screen.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree ... ympics2008

I just laughed out loud at my desk... people are staring.

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Jim
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Re: Charlie Brooker

Post by Jim » Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:30 pm

LOL! Pure gold (Olympic gold maybe?) once again Theo!!! :lol:

The "chewing tits way out of her face" line had me LOLing too, even my colleagues found it hilarious!!! :D

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Rover the Top
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Re: Charlie Brooker

Post by Rover the Top » Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:49 pm

Chewing tits? :-?

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Jim
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Re: Charlie Brooker

Post by Jim » Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:51 pm

Catastrophic freudian slip! :lol:

It was meant to be "Its" obviously!

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Rover the Top
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Re: Charlie Brooker

Post by Rover the Top » Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:59 pm

Oh... was momentarily regretting not watching the Chinese's tedious attempt to entertain and involve those people who don't actually like random obscure sports...

I've read the rules for the track cycling events this morning - I'm still no wiser as to what's going on. And the sailing is even harder to follow... I suspect Britain make up these events on the spot so we can win... :scratch:

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