Random joke thread

[mrblackbat]

[Ethiaa]

Who is that bear and why didn't he get a game?

[wrinks_89]

I imagine he pointed out the flaws in woys game plan.

[wrinks_89]

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2015/07/07/jun ... ucky-lady/

[daib0]

Forgot to tell the wife I'd swapped our bed for a trampoline.
When she found out, she went through the roof!

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A mature teacher asked her pretty student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?"
The student replied, "It is obviously past ... "

[daib0]

** BREAKING NEWS **
Burton Albion have appealed Shane Duffy's red card ahead of their game at Blackburn this weekend.

More to follow

[daib0]

There once was a man who loved Ipswich Town and tractors, I mean he absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, every home and away shirt, even some tractor porn (which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors and Ipswich Town, was the love he felt for his wife. His high school sweetheart, who didn't mind his infatuation with tractors one bit. She didn't even mind the role play where she would dress as a tractor, he would dress as a farmer, and he would take her for a "ride".
Sadly his wife was struck one day, a tractor fell right off the back of a transport truck. She didn't die until he was at her side in the hospital. Her dying words "please don't blame the tractor honey" and with that she headed to the big farm in the sky.
Sadly, he did blame the tractor, he hated them now with all his mind, body, and soul. He went home and destroyed ALL his tractor related items even changing his allegiance to Norwich, the toys, his wifes tractor suit, his beloved home and away shirts from thirty plus years of collectingand even his collection of tractor porn. He put it all in a pile and burned it in the yard.
What ever didn't burn enough to his liking was thrown into a woodchipper. He then went inside, rarely leaving his home, for 8 years. Finally on the 8th anniversary of his darling wife's death he decided it was time to get back out in the dating world, plus the cute cashier at the grocery store had been asking him out for a while now, he called her out to dinner.
The restaurant he choose ended up being quite nice, good food, good service, great decor. But there was one problem, it was EXTREMELY smoky. So smoky that his date, being an asthmatic, was having some trouble breathing. After noticing her displeasure, and trouble breathing, he started breathing in. I mean REALLY breathing in. Inhaling with such force that all the smoke quickly left the dining room, and went into his lungs. When the room was void of smoke he stepped outside and released it all into the night. When he rejoined his date she asked "how on earth did you do that?" to which he replied, "I'm an extractor fan."

[daib0]

Apparantly, Millwall football club is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion - they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 30 years...

[Dan]

I imagine that works better on one of Milwall's rivals' forums

[daib0]

I imagine that works better on one of Milwall's rivals' forums

[daib0]

Congratulations to my wife who reached a new culinary milestone today....

by setting off the neighbours' smoke alarm!

[daib0]

My Doctor just gave me a prescription for daily sex....

however my wife insists it's for ... dyslexia !!

[daib0]

Breaking ...


Milton Keynes have lodged a request with the @FA to move the team back to Wimbledon to take #AFCWimbledon's higher league position.

[mrblackbat]

[daib0]

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?..

I asked all 7 brothers and 9 sisters and they didn't know either...